Picking Yourself Up (Break Up Blog #5)

This part takes forever! You feel like you make progress to a place where the ground isn't giving way only to find yourself knee deep (neck deep?!) in devastation again. There really isn't anything other than time that can slowly, incrementally make those times on solid ground last longer and feel more stable and those sudden falls back into despair be a little less dark and quicker to climb out of. During this process I hated hearing "it'll get better with time." That does nothing to help in the moment and can cause a feeling of despair in itself especially when a minute feels like an hour and a day feels like a week. 

This is where the distractions will help get you through the hours. Hopefully you'll eventually find that the distractions are things that motivate you, inspire you or at least pull you forward. I tried any and all things that were available if it held even the slightest interest for me. Most things didn't amount to much, other things took me awhile to work up the courage to attend, but for me it was important to explore and expand and find new things to do. 

One extremely helpful tool for me was a mindfulness based practice especially for those late night panics alone with only my pillow for comfort. I took a mindfulness class which met several needs I had. One was to do a group activity (I know, more difficult in these current times of covid) the other was to have something to turn to any moment in a day when the emotions would threaten to overwhelm me. The simple practice of pulling my attention to my body, to the present moment, even if just for a breath, offered a relief from feeling like the world was falling away. Thinking thoughts like, here in this exact moment I am ok would help back me away from the edge of the imminent plunge into the uncontrolled fall into anxiety and despair. Even if I still fell over the brink, every little deliverance from that descent felt like it helped work some kind of mental/emotional muscle that got stronger and stronger each time until it was able to hold me in place.

Another helpful tool is to set small goals for yourself. You need to give yourself the feeling of accomplishment. Worried about your future? Set aside $5 a month to save for a rainy day. Procrastinating? Give it 15 minutes. Literally. Set a timer and go at it. Give yourself a hearty pat on the back when the timer goes off. High fives all around!