Run Into Yourself

Wallow in the depths Burrow deep within Explore the tangled mystery Lament's tendrils harrow Excavate sorrow's benefaction For salvation is the treasure Buried in the barrow

This part takes forever! You feel like you make progress to a place where the ground isn't giving way only to find yourself knee deep (neck deep?!) in devastation again. There really isn't anything other than time that can slowly, incrementally make those times on solid ground last longer and feel more stable and those sudden falls back into despair be a little less dark and quicker to climb out of. During this process I hated hearing "it'll get better with time." That does nothing to help in the moment and can cause a feeling of despair in itself especially when a minute feels like an hour and a day feels like a week.  This is where the distractions will help get you through the hours. Hopefully you'll eventually find that the distractions are things that motivate you, inspire you or at least pull you forward. I tried any and all things that were available if it held even the slightest interest for me. Most things didn't amount to much, other things took ...

I think it's good to distract yourself as much as possible especially in the first year because the pain is just too huge to face head on every day, all day, day after day. Even with distraction there will be plenty of opportunities each day to fall to the floor in a puddle of your own tears because of something as simple as the egg you set on the counter rolling onto the floor and cracking. One of the things I needed to distract myself from was the rage and resentment and feeling that I wanted revenge. From the very beginning I knew I didn't want to hate someone so much. This person already stepped all over my former life and now they were occupying and ruining my present. I couldn't let that person get the better of me and used that resentment and transformed it into positive action for myself ... with lots of stumbling and crashing and wailing along the way.  It was imperative that I put that rage and desire for revenge to the side or it would have become all consuming. ...